True Story of Man
by tsukinopen
Summary: Thought you knew the story of Adam and Eve... Wrong! Just kidding. The history the modern man and Noah. Please read!


Enjoy this cracked up fic !

Tsukinopen

Questions? Opinions? Review!

* * *

><p>First there was Man.<p>

Then Woman was made from him.

Wrong!

This is the story of the history of Man and Women.

Once there were Humans.

The lived forever and ever in the Garden on Mother Earth.

Each Human was hand-crafted by the Great One from Earth.

They numbered only a few hundred and lived every day in bliss.

They copulated constantly.

There was no such thing as gender.

There was no such thing those soft things that make milk and the thing that

hangs between the legs.

It was no surprise that the Great One grew tired of useless actions that bore

no fruit.

When someone chopped down the apple tree, it was the last straw.

The Great One decided give such actions meaning.

First he flushed out the population with a Great Flood.

It just so happened that the Noah Family survived.

They escaped on Noah's Arc.  
>That was great.<p>

He didn't have to start from scratch.

He made Adam, Wisely, and etc Men.

He made Road and Lust the only Women.

That was okay, they'd mate like bunnies.

Especially Desire.

Road

"Oi, what are these soft things upon my chest"

Desire

"I…I don't know, but.. but they're squishy."

" Hey, their kinda moist here."

Road

" Ow! That hurts! Stop touching!"

" Hey, what's that sticking up between your legs"

Desire

"Ah!"-high pitched scream

" What is this worm doing here!"

He squeezed it.

" Ahhhhhhhhhh!"-he screamed louder

Road

" Is seems one of your organs has also swelled."

" We must fix this."

The Other Noah

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

It seemed everywhere the two went on the ark, there was panic and screaming.

Except in Adam's room.

Adam

"Oh Eve!"

"Boo hoo, boo hoo!"

Eve had not survived.

"Oh my dear sibling. What will I do without you!"

Letter

To the Noah Family

I've grown tired of you stupidity. You will have something called "life" now. Each one of you will live a Thousand years, and then something called dying will happen. Your body will stop working, and you memories will be stored in a database: " Heaven" or "Hell" depending on how you act. Everyone else is already there in a Zip file. Now I am going to replant my apple tree.

Your Truly The Great One

The Noahs, except for Adam, eventually got over their surprise, and gave birth a huge number of children.

They enjoyed sucking and squishing their new appendages.

And so, the Noah Family gave birth to Modern Man and Women.

Adam, of course, was not satisfied.

He missed his Eve.

So he was able to create his own database to store the Noah's memories each

time they died.

As generations passed the descendants of the Noah grew weak and frail.

Even when the Great One supplemented with the substance of those once saved

in the database, Man and Women eventually only lived to 100 years.

"Oh no!", Adam thought!

His Kin were being wiped clean of their Memories and split into thousands of pieces to

supplement the new humans. More importantly, Eve would be erased forever!

He raided the Great One's database for Eve.

He got her out, but with great causalities.

The Great One gave his Angels Innocence

They beat the crap out of the Noah Family.

Adam's database was ruined, and the backup was slow.

It was another thousand years before the Noah Family had proper bodies.

75 years before the current day, Eve was finally born.

No, let's rephrase that " Nea was born."

And of course there were problems.

First he wasn't interested in Adam.

Second he wasn't interest in Adam.

Third and most importantly, he wasn't interested in Adam.

No, that and he loved Modern Humans too much.

Adam wanted to gather all the Substance of the Modern Human so he could revive his Kin.

Killing all the Moderns.

Turning all of them into Akuma.

Yeah, totally fine, if he could achieve his goal.

Eventually all the Substance from the "Heaven" and "Hell" databases would come back to

Earth, since Moderns reproduced like bunnies.

Yes, it just so happened that Adam found a way to revive his Kin's Memories.

Data was erased from the hard drive, but it was not permanently removed.

Adam now knew how to get the Memory back.

First he turned Humans into Akuma.

The Akuma would level up.

Akuma always liked to eat those like them, so the Substance of Each Kin would be gathered

as the Akuma Leveled up.

His Kin would be born from the Akuma.

The Akuma stayed on Earth forever, and so would his Kin.

But of course Eve, no Nea, loved the Moderns too much.

So did Allen.

His reincarnation.

Allen rearranged was Nea ll.

It was a wonder, one as smart as Adam did not get it.

Allen and the Heart beat the crap out Adam and set him straight.

Told him Moderns had just as much a right to live as Kin.

Adam gave up his quest

Eve would not return anyways.

He and the other Noahs gave up eternity on Earth.

And so the Noah Family were finally at peace.

And if you've ever thought you had a quality of one of the Noah's...

It's proof that their Substance is in each one of us.

THE END


End file.
